Let the light in...

Turns out, you may need to go dark first.

Let the light in.

I go through periods where I use oracle cards nearly every day & it's wild how often I pull THE SAME EXACT CARDS.

Initially, my brain used to sigh in disappointment, Agaaaiiin?? I want something more exciting. Of course, now I smile and laugh out loud knowing that God and my Guides are talking to me. I trust and understand that the message I'm repeatedly pulling is an important one that I must pour energy and intention into. It's something I'm being called to master or at least explore at a particular moment in my life.

Let the light in is a card I pulled at two retreats-- ones I co-hosted with my friends Tine & Tanicia in California. Tine would bring a deck of cards around the altar and we were all invited to select a card and keep it.

I received Let the light in-- it had an image of a figure whose heart was opening and a beam of light was shooting into the body at the crevice.

I remember the first time I pulled it being disgruntled…

But my work is all about spreading light…

I DO let the light in, don't I?

6 months passed and we came together to host another retreat. The same deck of cards (with some replacements of cards that had been taken in past circles shuffled in) circled our altar space.

Once again, I pulled the same card….

Let the light in.

Once again, I felt irritated.

My work is spreading light…

I DO let the light in, don't I?

I walked upstairs to my room later that day and opened a notebook I hadn't used for several months.

Out fell the oracle card I'd pulled 6 months prior at our last retreat.

Let the light in.

HA!

I laughed out loud.

I clutched my heart.

My Angels were getting through to me.

I felt light expanding in my body.

I still went months without fully understanding what I was to change, shift, or do in order to let the light in.

It's been a year and a half since that all transpired.

Over that time, I really feel myself understanding the message and how I'm to integrate it and embody it.

Let parts of the Ego die. Pray. Breathe. Read. Write. Play with my kids. Repeat.

A couple of months ago, on the Eclipse & New moon (and about a week before Election Day) I heard that message and felt it vibrating in the plants and sun around me.

Let the light in.

I felt such a burst of energy, such a powerful surge of God running through me. I felt compelled to shine my light and Source light with everyone, everywhere…

And then, as suddenly as it came, it left.

The light itself didn’t extinguish… that’s the thing about Spiritual light. It never totally goes out… it’s always within us. But my energy, my drive to initiate this outpouring of peace and unity into the world and people around me…

It’s like I could hear it go Pffft….

And then I went inward.

It’s been perhaps 2.5 months and I’m still here, in the quiet.

Still here in my cave.

But it’s not a dark cave.

It’s a cave of light.

Because with each sleepy, weary move I make and word I speak, I feel myself charging.

Like, you know how you feel in that first warm, sunny day in spring?

I live in Cleveland, Ohio and our winters are long and cold and gray. For us, a glint of sun feels like heaven.

So that first sunny day where it’s “warm” enough to go lay outside, I put a black blanket on my grass and just lay there… and I feel like a tired lion… a fierce, strong creature, weighted down by the bliss of the sun. The warmth brings me life…

I feel myself charging. Charging, but not moving… stillness and heaviness anchoring me to the ground as I feel the promise of a new era running through my veins.

Let the light in.

That’s how I feel right now.

Still profoundly tired, but in this satisfied way, because I can sense the expansion and creative energy that will follow this rest.

I think sometimes, when we feel a calling towards change… when we sense a new chapter of life ahead of us… we feel the initial energy burst catalyzing us. But that energy burst isn’t usually indicative of what we’re ready for in that present moment. It’s a preview and it’s preparing us for what’s to come.

This is what you’re going to hold next, it says.

And then the body, mind, soul, and spirit get together and assess what within us still needs tending, healing, restoring, and nurturing.

Knowing what’s best for us, they lure us into this languid place and order us to surrender.

Be still and heal, for when you rise, you’ll need all of your energy.

I felt foolish when I first landed in this sleepy space, because I’d proclaimed to my community how I was feeling this call to be a Lighthouse.. to shine and be an energy and a space for love, safety, unity, and connection. How can a lighthouse just go dark?

My intuition quickly brought me back to center and showed me that in order to let the light in, I would need to learn how to make more space for it. I would need to go dark for a bit to fully allow the light to pour into me, illuminating my strength, gifts, and purpose.

Because I know I’m meant to operate from a place of overflow and I can only do that if I’m not constantly trying to start the fire, tend to the fire, and light other people’s torches from my own.

If I continue to operate from that place, I will quickly burn out. The only way to overflow is by LETTING the light IN… being spacious and open enough that it can fill me and source me. Not the other way around— not by feverishly trying to PUT the light in.

So here we are, a couple of days after MLK Day and the Inauguration Day.

So many people feeling so scared, threatened, displaced, invalidated, unrecognized, and unprotected. Others feeling hopeful.

I didn’t want the election to go the way that it did, but the night before the results came in, as I said my prayers and asked that Kamala Harris win, I heard a voice tell me that she wouldn’t and this was needed so that broken systems and infrastructure could crumble. Even resources and places with good intentions for people in need. It all needs to come down so that future generations can build something fresh from a place of unity and love.

It feels like dark times ahead for many. And I don’t argue that… I believe there will be some great chaos and turmoil in our future. Ugly truths will be revealed to show deeper rotting in the roots than many have cared to believe. But perhaps that’s better than leaving infected wounds under bandaids to fester.

I believe that if we open our hearts to our purpose, our gifts, and our mission and if we can begin to see truth, then future generations will live in a world filled with so much more acceptance, opportunity, and connection than what we see right now. There’s still immeasurable beauty in our world as it exists in this moment, but also a great deal of sickness.

We’ve been trying to put the light into our planet and it’s systems and people. Forcing the light, while also continuing to place bandaids over the wounds. Covering it up with a temporary solution, hoping that if we don’t look too closely, it will go away.

That cycle of using flashlights and bandaids is not sustainable.

We need deep healing.

Our country. Our planet. The people on it. Our ancestors who have crossed over.

Deep healing.

And deep healing begins with a descent into the darkness.

It begins to Divine destruction.

And then, when the darkness has created stillness and space, we can let the light in.

Photos by Bianca Morra & Darling Rose Photography